SeanOKelly.us

I have no doubt that Gods hand is on Chloe in exceptional ways and that he has amazing plans for her life. This said, there are still days, thankfully few and far between, that are very hard for me as her mother. Today was one of those days. I went to pick her up from childcare and found that she had been playing contentedly in a baby saucer. Now this in of itself is not upsetting to me. Chloe has had two baby sisters and loves to imitate them. First because it’s fun and second because she wants the attention that a baby gets. I understand this and have no issues with it, but tonight the visual of her sitting in that saucer while the other kids her age ran around the room was so painful I can barely find words to explain it. I know this sounds silly but it was a visual that hit so many chords inside of me resonating all the deepest concerns I have for her development. How will other children accept and treat her? How will we handle the difficult questions and the challenging days she will face? All these questions come flooding over me and rising with them the emotions I have worked so hard to control. My heart feels as raw as the day we were given her diagnosis,  but just as He did on that day, God reminds me softly that his plans for us are good and it it gives me hope for the future.

The majority of the time I just marvel at her and the gift she is. We live each day in the same routines with the same joys and struggles as any other parent of any other child.  She inspires and challenges me daily to be a better person and I can’t imagine life without her.  As deep as the pain can be the joys are higher and I thank God for blessing me to be her Mama. I have heard people refer to her as special but I know she’s so much more, she’s extraordinary.